Tom Cruise in the ‘Rock of Ages’ trailer

 
Honestly, this week of Tom Cruise international red carpet appearances for Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol has been a true pleasure to cover, but now something even better has happened. That is, the first Rock of Ages trailer has debuted, and it’s even more painfully amusing than I’d hoped it would be. This is why Tom practiced ten hours per day, folks. This is why he butched it up in well-heeled boots. And this is why he rocked out on a balcony to universal cringes. In a way, it was all worth it for Tom, who writhes shirtless onstage as the “legendary” Stacee Jaxx and spews out “sex, hateful music, and … sex.” Really:
Tom seems really uninspired by signing that chick’s rack at the end of the trailer, right? Method acting. As for the rest of this mess, it’s entirely horrific but the movie might find a small to moderate audience who doesn’t mind watching Paul Giamatti and (gasp) Catherine Zeta-Jones debase themselves. As for Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin, however, they’re totally playing versions of their own personas, and Diego Bonita and Julianne Hough sure are pretty.
Now for some more fun with Tom’s plastic surgery face, which some of you doubted in yesterday’s photos of the MI4 Madrid premiere. Indeed, Tom is aging well from a physical standpoint, but his “refreshed” face isn’t merely the product of clean living and lucky genetics. He’s definitely had some very subtle work done by a skilled, highly-paid surgeon. While Tom looks pretty natural in the below photo (from the London premiere of MI4), just hold on tight because sh-t is about to get real in the aftermath.


Now, if there was ever any doubt whether or not Tom’s ever had a facelift (or two or three), check out this picture that Kaiser sent to me (on a bit of a red alert) with a nudge-wink about the strange fold of skin behind Tom’s ear. Indeed, that’s pretty damning evidence of a facelift (or two or three) and undoubtedly the reason why Tom’s been favoring turtlenecks lately:

Doesn’t Tom look like an alien televangelist in these photos? I keep expecting bolts to start popping out of his skin like Xenu Frankenstein or something.



Finally, here are Tom’s special lifts for the brisk London evening. They’re a lot more subtle than usual, aren’t they? Then again, he didn’t really pose next to anyone else on the red carpet this time around. Good plan, Tom.

Photos courtesy of WENN and AllMoviePhoto

Posted in: film