A few weeks back we posted that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis were calling it quits, but like anything we post, it could’ve very easily been complete bullshit. I probably would’ve guaranteed it. Except now PEOPLE‘s running with their break-up on its cover, so there’s really never been a better time for anyone in LA with a vagina and access to heroin:
Depp, 48, and Paradis, 39, who are parents to Lily-Rose, 12, and Jack, 9, have not appeared side-by-side on a red carpet for more than a year. Multiple sources tell PEOPLE in this week’s cover story that the relationship is all but officially finished.In before someone says it’s all Angelina Jolie‘s fault: I saw them stealing children on a pirate ship until Brad Pitt caught them and she broke his fucking leg I WIN!
In fact, some in their circle say the couple of nearly 14 years have already split. Says one insider: “It’s so sad.”